Funny Laws of Combat

OK, I am compiling what I have as Funny Laws of Combat. Some of them are attributed to the infamous "Capt Murphy" and still others are just sayings that go around and seem to be all too true. In any case, none of them are mine and all of them probably originated in numerous era's in one whitty way or another. Enjoy!

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. Incoming fire has the right of way.
5. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable; amateurs are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when you're ready. when you're not ready.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring is the main attack.
12. A retreating enemy is just falling back and regrouping.
13. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
14. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
15. If your attack is going well, it's an ambush.
16. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
17. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
18. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
19. Never share your foxhole with someone wanting to die for his country.
20. If you're short of everything but enemy, you're in combat.
21. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
22. Your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
23. Friendly fire isn't.
24. Interchangeable parts aren't.
25. Covering/Supressing fires won't.
26. Intelligence isn't.
27. The easy way is always mined.
28. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
29. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
30. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Private: "WATCH THIS!!!"
31. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Corporal: "...but the Leutenant said..."
32. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Leutenant: "Based on my experience...."
33. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Captain: "I don't care what the map says...."
34. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Major: "...your not going to like this, but...."
35. The Gunny's least favorite words from a Colonal: "Awwww $h...."
36. The Gunny's least favorite words from a General: "Ok, this is what really happened...."
37. The Gunny's least favorite words from his air support: "where did you say you were?"
38. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
39. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
40. When throwing a grenade uphill, remember to factor in gravity and that silly rolling effect.
41. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
42. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
43. Everything works in your HQ, and always fails in the colonel's HQ.
44. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
45. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
46. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.
47. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
48. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
49. The one item you need is always in short supply.
50. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
51. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill, in the rain, mined and looking nothing like it does on the map.
52. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
53. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
54. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
55. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
56. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
57. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
58. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism; to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
59. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
60. Murphy was a grunt.