It was the Greek philosopher Socrates who said, "True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing." The irony of that statement is, I am not completely sure he even said that; I just know that is what I was taught.
The famous French philosopher and mathematician René Descartes, also known as the Father of Modern Philosophy, said the words "I think therefore I am”. Again, while I also agree with this famous quote, I am not sure he said that.
So at this point, I know I am because I think; I am convinced I know nothing; and, I have no idea who really said those things first.
Don't miss this. I am at a juncture in my life as I transition out of the Marine Corps where I have to figure out who I am and what I am all about.
What I know about the world is completely changing. My very identity will be altered as I become Mark again.
I have learned 24 years worth of life in the Corps and 18 years worth of life as an Air Force dependent. I have been in some sort of military life for all but 7 months of my life.
That said, I am more than the sum of my experiences, my mistakes or successes.
I have also always been taught to put others first. I am a servant at heart. Serving others, taking care of them and living up to their expectations is very important to me. I set my thoughts, actions and therefore habits up to ensure I am living up to those expectations. Is that how I am supposed to live, to please others?
Leave it to me though to take things to the extreme. Having spent nearly all my life trying to live out the expectations of others and basing my identity on either expectations or my profession, I have lost who I am.
When I am not a Marine, a dad, a stereo-typical 'good-wholesome-guy', who am I? Do I really want a tattoo or a drink of beer or a cat? Finding myself in all this stuff is more important to me at this point. Who am I really? Do I like to bake or fly planes or fix cars?
I realize most of that stuff is normal, but I haven't done any of that because I am trying to make everyone happy... live up to their expectations... serve them better. Is that what I should do? Should I care what you or anyone else thinks?
I do realize that my actions or inactions have consequences. I know that just because I care or don't care what people think, doesn't mean they won't react to what I do. The question goes back to do I care.
I don't mean to offend you, but this isn't about you. I don't mean to ignore your input, but I need to listen to my own input and the input of my God. If you want to be a part of who I am when all this is said and done, just support me in this healing process and love me through it.
I am challenging a lot about what I believe and what I value in my life right now.